LinkedIn is a powerful networking tool for business professionals. It is the preferred network for many people because the rules of engagement are more rigid and professional. No one is going to send you a mafia wars invite, nor will anyone post any weird photos from your youth. It’s just business.
While the rules (both formal and informal) of connecting on LinkedIn are what makes this site so useful for many of us, it also has its pitfall for those who don’t understand the nuances.
For example, when someone sends you an invitation to connect on LinkedIn you have three options: accept the invitation, archive it or “I don’t know this person”. What happens if you accept is obvious. If you archive it, the invitation just disappears into the ether – no real consequences for either party.
However, what many people new to LinkedIn may not realize is, there can be serious consequences for the inviter if you choose the “I don’t know this person” (IDK) option. You see, LinkedIn takes their rules very seriously. They know many members of LinkedIn use it as their primary social media site exactly because of these rules. They work hard to enforce these rules so the culture remains consistent.
So what happens when you click IDK on someone’s invitation to connect? LinkedIn tracks those. When a person hits five IDKs, their account is suspended until they get a verbal hand slap from the LinkedIn police. After promising never to do it again, most users have their account reinstated.
Why should you care?
Let me tell you a story one of my LinkedIn connections shared.
Rich Fiene, a marketing manager from Minneapolis-St. Paul, met someone at a networking event. A few months after the event he invited her to connect on LinkedIn. His plan was to ask her to quote on some work after they were connected.
“She IDK’d me which put me at five and sent me to LinkedIn jail,” he wrote. “After the fact I sent her a note reminding her again about where we met and included that I was going to get a quote for her services. Of course she was more than willing to provide me with a bid and wanted to connect! I told her I went with another connection and explained to her had she archived my invite I would have still let her bid but since she IDK’d I wasn’t interested in her service.”
Understand the Rules
For me this is a great story about why you should be an open networker on LinkedIn. Even if you don’t know someone (or have forgotten), you never know how they’re going to be of value to you. By refusing to connect, this woman missed out on a chance to bid and perhaps get work.
This story also illustrates why you need to understand the rules of the road before getting in your virtual car and driving through the world of online networking. If you get it wrong, you can inadvertently shoot yourself in the foot. (My apologies for the mixed metaphor).
It makes me wonder, why this woman going to networking meetings and on LinkedIn if she doesn’t want to connect with new people and doesn’t remember people she meets. Hey, I’m a baby boomer and I can tell you my memory ain’t what it was. But when I get an invitation, I’d certainly check my business card collection to see if we’d met. If all else fails, I would reply to the request asking how we knew each other before hitting IDK.
Being an optimist, I prefer to think this woman didn’t understand the consequences of hitting IDK. However she clearly lost out in this case.
My advice:
Never hit the IDK button on any LinkedIn invitation you get. If you truly don’t want a connection, archive it. Use the IDK as a last resort for dealing with stalkers, spammers and all-round dirty players.
However, I also urge you to think twice about even hitting the archive link. You never know when accepting an invitation will be the first step towards a lucrative new customer.
Andrea J. Stenberg
Do you have a story about accepting or declining invitations on LinkedIn, or another social media site? Please leave a comment and share your thoughts.
Andrea,
Thanks for that article. I do however disagree.
I think it depends heavily on the reason why one is on Linkedin. To me, Linkedin is a digital version of my rolodex and i want to use it to get something done in the future and for a strong referral network. As they say “who you know’ does matter in the business world.
That said, I am open to new connections, and have always accepted the invite when someone takes one minute to write a brief intro about themselves. Even in the case of this lady, if only the person connecting had written a simple note, instead of the standard linkedin msg (Still think Linkedin should make it forceful for people to write an intro other than the template), it would have brushed memory and all would have been well.
The problem with the open networking concept is that it becomes a telephone directory and a world of cold calling after that. I hate to admit that I have accepted a few people that i didnt know quite well, and sometimes they ask me to refer them to someone about some opportunity and quite honestly, I have no clue if they’d be in anyway responsible or would just cost me social equity.
For those who arent even taking that minute to write an intro, IDK it is. Thats just me – cause thats the truth. I really dont know them.
Vijay
PS: I get on an average of 20 – 30 invites to connect everyday. Not easy having to screen everyone and connect.
I completely agree with you about people personalizing the invitation. To me sending the generic LinkedIn invite without any indication of how the person found me or why we should connect is rude. It’s the virtual version of shoving your business cards into people’s hands at a networking meeting without bothering to have a conversation first.
Andrea
I on the other hand am tired of receiving spam emails and people saying that I have done business with them only to try to sell me something. I have been on Linkedin since the beginning and no business or leads have ever come from people who I don’t know. Linkedin is about relationships and the connections have to be about a win-win relationship. People contacting me and asking to connect without me ever having met me, or us have nothing in common, is them simply wanting something from me. More often than not, it is about wanting to sell me something. People can get to know each other on the forums and groups and then make a connection when one is to be made.
Real business opportunities comes from the “quality” of connections, not the quantity. And diluting your network with bad quality connections is a detriment not a benefit.
The IDK, in my opinion, should be used every single time there are people requesting to connect with you for selfish purposes. I get several of these per week – whether it be Realtors, someone with a new book, etc. Linkedin is a social tool to create business connections, not a channel for spam. And the IDK lets us keep it as a business tool.
No “lucrative new customer” ever came from someone that I don’t know, have no connection with, or have never met, and none ever will. Expecting business to come from these types of connections is like purchasing lottery tickets to supplement my income. I spend the little time I have on qualified, quality connections that bring me real business.
I also have to respectfully disagree.
you don’t “win” if you have more linked-in contacts (I am in the 500+ club).
just giving/accepting links that you don’t even know, are very unlikely to result in much, and they dilute the value the network you do have.
I am open to an invitation from someone I don’t know.
If they took the time to write a personal invite that explains why this is not just a spam link. If they give even one sentence about how we might interact.
Sure, lets be open about this… see where it goes.
But, the reflexive ‘click’ for numbers just for numbers means that you simply don’t know who is in your network…. which is kind of like not having one.
another perspective…
—dan
Dan,
I agree entirely. I don’t accept invitations from everyone. In fact, I’ve stopped accepting invitations outright from recruiters unless they have a really good pitch.
However, there’s a difference between archiving an invitation and hitting the I don’t know.
If I wanted to, I could have a much larger LinkedIn network but I want to have a chance to get to know them. I may not know everyone on my list well, but there are several people who I didn’t know before connecting on LinkedIn who have become valuable partners in my business. I just think LinkedIn can be valuable for networking & it shouldn’t be just an online database of your contacts in our Outlook folder.
Thanks for visiting and sharing your thoughts.
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I’m with those who disagree. If I get an invite from someone I don’t know, I don’t accept it. I only make exceptions for shared experiences (college, grad school, employers), and even then, I give it thought.
As someone else here said, my network is much smaller than many but it is REAL. I can pick up the phone and ask for an introduction. I don’t have to remind the linkedin contact who I am.
Just accepting any and all is a waste of the resource. And personally, I feel that those who blindly send invites to supposedly build their network, deserve the dings.
Your friend Rich had four (FOUR) IDK flags against him when this woman supposedly made a mistake. I find it hard to believe he isn’t a serial linker who just dilutes the very concept of linkedin. If he wants to do it fine (only impacts him). But don’t expect others not to flame the behavior.
Most of my work comes from referral. People who know me will recommend me, be they on LinkedIn or not. Overwhelmingly not, I would add. Nothing can beat face to face networking, virtual is a poor substitute.
I often get cold calls, and meet people in an unplanned and uncontrolled manner. Some of my most useful contacts originated in this manner.
Why would I believe that LinkedIn was any different?
As for the invitation; if it is stark and functional fine, the person may be busy spending their time running their business. True a bit of imagination helps, but would I expect skill with words from someone running a joinery business? Is that the most important criteria? Am I interested in forming a link with someone or is massaging my own ego of prime importance?
No one knows where any new contact may lead, and no one knows what the future has in store for any of us. We may be the ones doing the cold calling, or who need an introduction.
I agree with the article.
Please respond to this inquiry with the e-mail address above.
I read your article, and want to know how do you “I Don’t Know” Someone? I never see this options whenever I get an invitation.Whenever I get a notification via e-mail, it says that a person has indicated me as a friend, and either Accept, or view the invitation. When I view the invitation, the only options I have at this point are to Accept or Ignore. There are also buttons on top of the message that say delete, archive, or report as Spam. I have never seen a “I Don’t Know” button. What am I missing? Thank you.
I am currently in Linkedin Jail. I am a huge believer in linkedin and actually train people on how to use it. It is obvious that some people just don’t want to network and they hit the I don’t know this person button. I always try and give a personal message but it’s also easy to get caught up inviting people that look like great contacts. After you invite one person you are then prompted to a page of people you may know and all you have to do is hit invite without being asked how you know them. This should probably be changed.
It appears that they have changed there policy and once you hit the threshold of I don’t knows they will not re-instate the invite without an email function.
If anyone knows a way to get reinstated I would be very interested to know how. Having to use an email every single time almost defeats the purpose.
Thanks,
Mark
I am also in linkedin jail. Initially it was for 30 days and now they have added another 30 days because in the meantime someone else responded with IDK.
Question? Personally, when I receive an invite I see this:
Accep
Ignore
Spam
I don’t even see a I don’t know button.
Also, I agree – we should try to accept invites as what if we were sending an invite right? The other day a guy from Croatia sent me an invite. We weren’t connected in any way, industry or anything, now that one I didn’t want. But, in recruiting – I am just trying to include people in my hiring and send them an invite if I think they fit the position based on their profile. Why in the world would someone want to say I don’t know someone when they are reaching out to offer a job etc.
Linkedin customer service is slow, non-responsive and does not answer your questions. Their responses are canned and do not address your concerns. That is of course if they respond.
Also, linkedin seems to be trying to force someones hand in purchasing a plan. Which is really bad. Because linkedin is duplicious. It’s a catch 22 deal. They tell you why connecting with people is a good idea. They have that list of people and they nudge you with – do you know this person? By the dropdowns under invites. They try to have you invite everyone in your email address book. The push to invite – then in the next breath they slap you so hard with restrictions and suspensions for I don’t knows. Make up your mind right? I cannot get a hold of anyone there to discuss this. Also, they referenced that I had a high percentage of I don’t know replies. Well, I did the math on that and it turned out to be less than .018 percent of the people that I have invited that said I don’t know. Now, that is NOT a high number and I have 4600 plus connections.
Also, they do not publish the ramifications of I don’t know. If the average linkedin member knew this – then I am sure they wouldn’t do it. But, they keep it a secret and then when we receive a restriction all of a sudden they are in our face about it.
Good point on the choices of response to an invite.
I only see
ACCEPT
IGNORE
SPAM
I don’t have an I don’t know option . . . . why? How can people be hitting I don’t know if there is not a button for that.
Anyone else just have the three choices I listed above??
If I’m not mistaken, the “I Don’t Know” option only appears in the email notification version of an Invite — you don’t see it if you’re actually on LinkedIn. Mike
Since I wrote this post, LinkedIn has changed how they work. Now you get shown “Accept”, “Ignore”, “Report as Spam”. If you click “Ignore” you’ll then be shown an option for “I don’t know John Smith” or “Spam”. Both of those options can send you to LinkedIn jail.
You’ve made some really good points there. I checked on the web to find out more about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.
Andrea:
Your blog asked for connection issues and here is mine. I added my business email account to my LinkedIn profile so that I could join some industry-specific groups. Shortly after that, I began to receive acceptances of invitations that I never send and would NEVER have sent. Some investigation by our tech folks discovered that, in the fine print of the LinkedIn user agreement, you give your permission for them to raid the contacts list of any new email account and to send invitations to each of those entries on your behalf. Yes, I now know that I inadvertently permitted this action by agreeing to the policy statement. But I feel that LinkedIn very surreptitiously let me fall into this trap and it borders on a privacy breach. Their customer service folks have been apologetic, but the damage is done. My comment may help others to avoid this problem. For me, it is an embarassing mess. Though there are said to be ways to avoid this problem when adding a new email account, LinkedIn really does not make it obvious. I think that is intentional. If they would have given me a clear option like, “Can we send invitations on your behalf to all of the names in your email account?”, I would have never permitted such action.
Good luck on this.
I see all the info on how to select “I don’t know this person,” but how do you change it if you accidentally selected it when trying to accept an invitation? I was a bit in a hurry and distracted and after accidentally clicking ignore, then accidentally clicked the don’t know option when trying to get back to the original request. I can’t figure out how to “know” that person again. I just sent them my own request, but had to include their email address, and hope that will do it.
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I’m with Pat. I did the very same thing and now I’d like to accept their invitation, but it won’t let me. It also won’t let me undo the “don’t know” feature. Does anyone know how to fix this?
I have just found this article because I have clicked on IDK by mistake and since then I have been wondering whether there is any way to report to LinkedIn that it was a mistake and, therefore that should not be considered for the person who had invited me.
If any of you know any way to “undo” this mistake, please advice.
Thanks and regards!