If you are using Facebook as a business networking tool, you’re probably trying to build a broad online network. Many people on Facebook only connect with people they know in the real world. Business people who are using Facebook as a virtual networking meeting however, need to be more of an “open networker” rather than a “selective connector”.
If that’s the case, why would you ever “unfriend” someone?
I personally have only done it once. I received a very polite, and personalize friend request from a gentleman who seemed to be interested in business networking. After accepting his invitation I checked out his profile. He stated he’s looking for “sexually adventurous women”. I unfriended him immediately.
This got me to thinking. How many other people have “unfriended” someone? So I did what I always do when I have a business question. I got online, asked my Facebook friends, asked my Twitter friends and went to the ever trusty Google and “asked” it.
Liz Lynch wrote on her blog that she unfriended someone who “was trying to friend everyone and their brother by sending invitations to connect to people in my network (and who knows who else’s) without explaining how he knew them or why he wanted to be their friend.”
This harkens back to my number one advice when sending invitations on Facebook. Always include a personal note telling this person why you think you should connect. The is doubly true if you don’t know this person outside of Facebook
There are lots more stories of unfriending however. The following are quotes from a variety of sources. Since the stories involved include unfriending annoying, rude or just plain scary people I’ve kept the writers anonymous to protect the innocent.
One woman wrote about why she chose to conduct her first unfriending:
While it was partly because of her political opinions (our worldviews were very different) it had much more to do with the way she expressed them. Which wasn’t very politely.
This matches another person’s experience:
Yes I have unfriended! Mean, grumbling, whining, starting trouble where none should be.
Clearly people need to watch what they say in the social media arena. Some people really do forget that what they’re saying is being noticed by real, live people. It’s okay to be yourself and express your opinions but please do it in a polite, respectful manner. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it in social media.
Some people’s experiences are a little more unsettling:
“I had to block one person because he went from being business professional to inappropriate declarations of love in about 24 hours. I’ve never even emailed this person – we were Facebook Friends with no other ties.”
Yikes! This story illustrates what is probably the biggest fear women have of going online and being open in social media sites – the online stalker. However, consider this. There are over 250 million active users on Facebook and I’ve heard of only a small handful of cases like this. So yes, we do need to be cautious about what we say and do online. However, I really don’t see this as being a common occurrence.
The final example is probably the most common reasons I’ve found for people being unfriend. This writer unfriended:
an old high school friend who, it turned out, wasn’t interested in catching up, but was using Facebook to get an audience for his multi-level marketing scheme.
The multi-level marketers are giving us all a bad name. And lets be clear here: I know several ethical and respectful multi-level marketers who would never engage in this type of social media spamming. But a few bad apples really do ruin the whole bunch.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a multi-level marketer, a solopreneur, a small business owner or CEO of a Fortune 100 company, the rule on social media should be relationships first, marketing second.
Spend 80 percent of your time building relationships: sharing your personal experiences, passing along valuable tips, sending links to other people’s sites when they offer something of value, commenting on your connections’ activities, being entertaining. Then spend 20 percent of your time marketing and promoting. But remember, on social media more than anywhere else, you need to use a soft sell.
And one final thought about unfriending someone. When you click that button at the bottom of their Facebook profile to sever your Facebook friendship, it doesn’t set off a flashing red light on the top of their computer. In fact, if the person you are unfriending is a social media spammer trying to build the biggest list possible without building a relationship, then in all likelihood they won’t even notice that you’re go.
Andrea J. Stenberg
Have you ever had to unfriend someone? Please leave a comment and share your thoughts.
I have only “unfriended one person from Facebook so far. He was auto tweeting and sending his feed into Facebook. My whole feed was filled with his tweets. He never got into a conversation with anyone ever. All of his tweets contained links. If you aren’t going to socialize, then why be on Facebook?
I’ve unfriended a couple people on Facebook. Mostly because their status updates contained profanity or they posted videos of themselves in “inappropriate” situations (drunk).
I’ve stopped following a bunch of people on Twitter who just tweeted whenever they updated their blog (isn’t that what RSS is for?) but never replied or interacted with anyone else on Twitter.
Nobody likes to go to the cocktail party and listen to the egocentric snob or sit beside the drunk. Be fun, creative and sociable!
[...] Seems like every time you turn around, Facebook is in the news. New people join every day and start building their online network. But sometimes people decide to cut people out. This caused Andrea J. Stenberg at The Baby Boomer Entrepreneur to ask “Why would you “unfriend” someone on Facebook?” [...]
I had to unfriend a male friend from the neighborhood I grew up in. At first it was general conversation, how’s the family or did you know that so and so passed away or did you see that so and so got traded? Then it turned into calling my cell every day and signing up for my business opportunities just to have a reason to talk to me. I called him and told him that I thought the frequency of his calls could present a problem in my home which seemed to go right over his head. I quickly unfriended someone I have known for more 40 years because he was acting like a jerk.
I usually accept invitations,but I care of the following actions or reactions he or she will take,then I decide if I can keep it in my buddy list or no.
I am going to unfriend a gal who I picked up somehow but have no idea how she got on my list of friends. I must have sent her an invitation but don’t know what to say to her as I don’t know where she came from. I have asked her point blank with no answer so she’s going to find herself unfriended and I’m not going to feel badly since I gave her a chance.
I met a nice woman on a blind date, same age, interest, attractiveness…everything looked perfect. Then came a conversation about what we would do if we got into a serious relationship, we butted heads, so I said we should slow it down. She flipped. Now she is depressed, writing all types of crazy comments on her page (I know they are directed at me) we’ve know each other 2 weeks. She is showing to have a personality disorder-I cant stop checking her page, it gets worse and worse everyday. She must be unfriended before she drags me into that drama and throws my whole life off balance. And, I really like her too
I am seriously thinking about unfriending someone because our friendship has become totally one-sided: she comments on pretty much every update I make or photo I post and it’s getting realllly old. I have been ignoring her phone calls, texts and comments for a couple of years now and only occasionally do I respond, purely out of politeness, not because I really want any interaction with her. I feel bad about it because I’m a 30-year-old woman but she’s a just a teenager who is very-slightly-mentally-impaired and has always looked up to me. But I just can’t take the constant nagging anymore – she wants to hang out but I don’t have the time and really live too far away anyway. I know, I’m a huge jerk.
I think un-friending a person you don’t like is reasonable. But if possible, I think giving them an explanation will be better. At least in case of Riley, you can simply leave her a message. It’s better than nothing. She’s still young, right?
Yeah, it’s like nowadays, friends aren’t hard to find, there are plenty of them. So that people just don’t like to understand people with different view of life.
I have unfriended only two people in my Facebook “life” if you will. The first was a boy younger than me, who was just interested in being friends, then suddenly up and decides he’s head over heels in love with me and completely stalks me not only on Facebook but somehow got my phone number as well. I blocked him on both. The other was a friend of my friend whom added me, and after about two days of knowing each other decides he’s completely depressed and wants to talk to me every waking moment. Then, because I stopped responding, went and liked EVERY SINGLE THING I’VE EVER DONE ON FACEBOOK. He went to far. I had to unfriend him.
It’s frustrating when you get along fine with someone in person, however on facebook they will drive you crazy.
I deleted a friend from constantly “liking” my comments and status updates and constantly making comments on my posts.
Other people who can drive you mad are those who constantly brag about their fantastic lives e.g. Here’s me winning the 500 mile marathon, here are my super expensive diamonds that I got from my super hot boyfriend for my birthday, here’s another picture of my super perfect house with the perfect views… that’s when the delete button is really useful
I unfriended him because I liked him. He was too good-looking for me. My lifestyle/job doesn’t “jibe” with his. I left him a kind message explaining. He probably didn’t even bother to have it translated into English, though he understands some. I’m 110% certain he isn’t interested in getting to know me. We’re too far from each other, also. I’m wasting his time. He’s Muslim, too. I miss him but I feel better getting to get out of there first.
i found out one of my Facebook “friends” was arrested for burglary. The reason why I found out is all of a sudden his posts stopped. I was concerned, so I googled him. He wasn’t posting because he was in jail! And I had met this person years ago. He knows where I live. It creeps me out!
Also, I’ve gotten rid of people I added who were friends of friends and only used Facebook to write sermons…never tried to send messages or get to know me. It was all about creating an online church for him to preach at, I guess.
Blocked some people from work that were just nosy and I couldn’t trust.
But, I don’t understand why someone would want to unfriend someone just because they like their posts and make comments. I’m likely to do just the opposite. I’m more likely to unfriend someone for inactivity versus commenting and liking…unless their comments were inappropriate. I want people to comment and like!
I’ve unfriended people because their facebook profile pictures were strange and not real people, their pictures were of insignias or characters or pets (no person in it). If I’m good friends with them I don’t care, but if I don’t know them well off they go. I rarely delete people with pictures of pets but if that is the only pic I’ve seen them have, it’s odd, ya know?
I’ve also unfriended people because their posts are very political or on controversial topics.
I’ve unfriended people who I just accepted a friend request from, because when I saw their profile and posts, they looked like people I wouldn’t associate with.
I cleaned up my profile of businesses that just posted ads and nothing else. I have no more of them!
Anyway I think some people may have unfriended me because I am inactive. (5 or 6?) I haven’t posted a wall post in months. It’s just very boring to me, like twitter or something. I used to message people daily but during the last month I’ve hardly logged in, maybe just twice. I’m just too busy with real life and talkng online has never really interested me anyway(I talk to many people in person, why do I need some website?). I have too many friends (750 of them) to know who has deleted me. It’s either inactivity or just fall cleaning (haha). That’s all I can think of anyway!
I unfriended a girl because we went on a date, after that things went awkward between us. I noticed she avoided me at the fitnesscenter we go to. Didn’t bother to get any explanation..